More thoughts on True Relationship

In a true relationship, you don’t necessarily have to agree with your partner 100%. God has made us unique in our thinking, likes and dislikes. If all of us start thinking in the same pattern, there will be no challenge, no fun,no excitement. The life will become monotonous,very boring. If two people live together, there will be times when they will disagree and fight. That’s normal. That’s natural. If that does not happen, then one or the other is selling out. It is better to fight it out and find a resolution rather than stop talking to each other. If things are really bad, take a short break, not hours of punishing silence.Dropping the subject in resignation is not going to work. In true relationship, relationship comes first, not the job, not the career,not me,not you. It does not matter who will wash the dishes. If one hates it, the other will do it. No one has died from washing the dishes as yet. It is better to wash the dish than to let the relationship sour over petty things. Happy couples are not polite with each other. They fight, they argue, they disagree. They are not always hugging, kissing and hanging on each other’s words. If your relationship is real, you will still make mistakes, you will still say things which will upset your partner. You may forget to pay attention, you may yell at each other or be silent together and yet your connection will always be there, alive,palpable,unique and those around you will feel your warmth and your closeness whether it is overt or very private. Politeness in relationship sets in when both the partners have given up. Politeness is the beginning of the end of relationship. At this stage, you avoid discussing issues which have caused strain in relationship. Being polite means not to say things which may hurt the feelings of partner and pretending to be happy, not be true to yourself. Politeness is the child of resentment. Resentment is the poison that kills relationship. Resentment is the mortar that holds together the walls of cold hostile silence between two people. Resentment is the anger laced with hurt. Unexpressed,unattended anger mixed with layers and layers of unanswered hurt. If resentment is allowed to grow inside, it will sink deep down, will begin it’s destructive work. It will color your thoughts and feelings, shape your responses, effect everything you do. You begin to see how misunderstood you are, how unappreciated and how badly you want to punish this most important person in life who once upon a time used to be everything to you. He must be hurt, attacked, destroyed because you are right. You hear yourself say things that should never be said, awful things,hurtful things you must never say even in anger.

Yes, true relationship is difficult and difficult it will remain if you choose not to deal with problems when they are occurring but instead comply,push the hurt deep down and tell yourself it is not there. You postpone the resolution of conflict. You even deny it’s existence. If problems are left unattended, if feelings are not shared, if misundersndings are not cleared, resentment will take it’s place. Like sediments that won’t dissolve, your resentment will sink to the bottom of that precious vessel that is your relationship and it will calcify, creating layer upon layer of hardened stuff that will create a wall separating you more and more from your partner